Embracing the taboo
Berry Scary Stuff
I read Gory Details by Erika Engelhaupt a few weeks ago and have been mulling over some ideas since. The book is essentially a collection of traditionally weird facts, stories, studies, and interviews. From sewage fatbergs1 to spontaneous bloodletting, from coprophagia and dead bodies to microscopic face-bugs and slugs. It's quite lighthearted despite the subject matter and a good read but I want to think out loud on some ideas the book prompted in me rather than review the book itself.
There are a lot of things that are socially taboo, but there are probably even more that are individually taboo. Individual taboos would encompass anything that just makes you feel weird and uncomfortable. Like gross food, or a stranger with a mean look, or death.2
There's a reason we find things like these off-putting. I'm sure it could be traced back to evolutionary survival of the fittest type-stuff. However, while there is evolutionary reasoning behind being scared of the dark there is not intentionality. We don't choose to be scared of the dark, that is just what the brain defaults to. Modern humans are purposeful, conscious, and civilized. We can overcome our monkey brains. There is reason to, with caution, explore things you don't like and don't know. Making something known and familiar makes it more comfortable.
Eating Your Vegetables
Being a picky eater is a form aversion to the unknown. I think our monkey brain may be scared that this food, say broccoli3, could be poisonous. We don't know it to be good therefore it could be bad. Life would be way less risky if you simply didn't and moved on.
But that's not really true, we4 know consciously broccoli isn't poison. Studies have found exposure to be an effective way to nurse a food-phobia, mostly studying children but I can say anecdotally it works on adult-sized children like myself too. From Risk Factors and Consequences of Food Neophobia and Pickiness in Children and Adolescents: A Systematic Review:
The dietary approach through wide exposure to a variety of foods is used to diminish the aversion to most neophobic foods, such as fruits and vegetables, especially at early ages, with the intention that current social habits regarding the consumption of food with high energy density and scale or no dietary quality, are limited due to both parental education and government strategies that increase the possibility of consuming healthy foods.
I've consciously done this to myself twice now. First, with spicy foods. By slowly inundating myself with mildly spicy foods I've built up a tolerance and can dabble in actually spicy foods. This is a physical tolerance certainly but it is also a mental one. Second, with swallowing pills. As a kid I always had issues with pills no matter the size because I couldn't force myself to swallow something I didn't chew first. My throat and tongue muscles physically would not move out of the way to let it through. As an adult who wanted to resolve this, I built up slowly swallowing small chunks of cheap gummy candy, increasing the size over time from a pea to nearly the entire piece. Now I can dry swallow pills and it feels fine, even comedically large multivitamins that look like they belong in a grandparent's M-F pill organizer.
These aren't super revolutionary changes in my life but it feels cool, like I'm biohacking myself and my senses. In reality this is really just facing the unknown and exploring the new.
New Faces
The taboo of opening up to another, socially, bears resemblance. Anyone who experiences a form of anxiety (environmental, social, depressive) can understand the tepid nerves when engaging in conversation with some other.
Will they hire me? How much do they like me? Do they love me? Are they going to kill me?
A lot of unknowns. There are a plethora of fears associated with meeting new people—literally millions of words have been written about the subject. Talking to people is worthwhile, though. Networking builds ladder rungs under your feet, strangers at the coffee shop enrich your day with their company and tales, a sheepish ask can lead to a lifelong friend.
It's worth trying, it's worth being vulnerable. I suck at this despite knowing it to be true. My mind knows it to be scary but true while my heart knows it to be truly scary.
Lights Out
Dying is the penultimate fear, second only to Death.
It's hard to attack because it is nothing and promises nothing. Everybody who has known anything about death is unavailable for an interview (for some reason).
I have the least focused idea of what to write on Death because I have thought about it the least. I'm young, I have my parents, and I have all of my grandparents. None of my friends died young. Death feels especially foreign to me because the only proxy we can know is when those around us succumb. I haven't even seen that yet.
Our family cat was killed suddenly when I was a kid, maybe 10-12ish. I cried a lot but kept on living. Another cat that I had as an adult also passed from a slow yet encompassing illness. I hardly even noticed until I was rushing to the vet. Life was crazy and I hardly noticed him changing because of other relationships falling apart at the same time. It was 2, almost 3 years ago. I still cry every time I find the little card the hospital gave me with his inked paw print. A lot, too, if I was already having a bad day. I don't cry a lot because of autism and toxic masculinity but when I do it hurts. A lot. Physically aches and groans. I miss you, Casper.
I don't know how to accept Death but avoidance can't be correct. The rot comes for us all sooner or later. It can't be avoided.
Biases
Taboo is ultimately a predictable consequence of our internal biases. Humans are great at being efficient and approximation in order to survive. You don't need to know a fruit's taxonomy to understand "that's a strawberry and it should be safe to eat" just like you don't need to calculate parabolas to play volleyball.
There's a lot of really impressive subconscious magic going on in our brains. Being able to identify when these tricks are misfiring is a great way to feel more confident in yourself and your body. It is also a crucial part of tackling great fears head-on and living with reality: Life is uncomfortable.
Oh, no sour cream for me.
You don't like sour cream?
No, I hate it.
When's the last time you had it? What do you dislike about it?
I can't remember, I'm not sure. I just know I don't like it.5
You should look these up if you've never heard of them. Wild stuff↩
While I am avoiding discussing societal taboos, each individual has their own feelings on these and they do become personal taboos. If you grow up with homophobic parents you'll most likely find a man kissing a man pretty taboo as an adult even if you live in Portland. I'm aiming to focus more on the types of taboos that are much more automatic and singular in the self here.↩
Some people also really butcher the cooking of broccoli. If you get fed rubber and don't like it that that will certainly affect your willingness to go eat more rubber as a grown up.↩
"We" as in humans who are not hunters and gathers↩
I also don't like sour cream. I also can't say why or when I last had it. I think some combination of the name (Cream on my burrito? And it's Sour? What, is it expired?) and the fact that it is cold with a weird texture on an otherwise hot burrito. Insanity.↩