I can't drown my demons they know how to swim
Ignoring problems is alluring. There's no need to confront insecurities or ask hard questions when you can keep doing something else, usually something you'd much rather be doing anyways.
I worry about social faux pas incessantly. If I'm talking to a stranger the anxiety of committing a blunder will cross my mind once every few minutes. I default to timidness, withhold my strongly held opinions, tell white lies to move the conversation along, and generally act shy even when I feel like I have something to say. These are all ways to push the problem down and hope it never surfaces and needs confronted.
Addressing the root problem is hard. Really hard. Unfortunately, finding the root problem is even harder.
Why do I feel anxious around strangers? Why not around friends and family? Where does unintentional (and occasionally unwilling) code switching come from?
I don't know- yet. But the people I admire who don't struggle with what I struggle with1 didn't become that way through hours on TikTok, overworking themselves, abusing substances, or any number of escapes humans have become so proficient at. Others have walked this path before and come out stronger - surely I can too. And so can you. The shared struggle is as real as it is comforting.2
I want to wave and smile to the stranger on the street. I want to compliment that person's sick band shirt. I want to ask for corrections when I don't get what I ordered. I want to be sociable and make great small talk that brightens other people's day. I want to email people and let them know that I enjoyed their blog or art. I want to adopt myself as an introvert instead of hoping someone else will come to me first.
I want to be a little smarter, happier, and more confident every day.